Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

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Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 25, 2021

Notice: At present at Kroger, purchase a carton of our contemporary, juicy strawberries and obtain 50 % off a can of nuclear fissile materials in heavy cling syrup. Kroger: High quality you possibly can rely on, at a value you possibly can afford, from neighbors you most likely should not totally belief.

By the Numbers:

The fountain on the North Lawn of the White House is colored green in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day on March 17, 2016 in Washington, DC. / AFP PHOTO / Mandel Ngan        (Photo credit should read MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)
20 days ‘til the White Home fountain turns inexperienced once more.

Days ’til St. Patrick’s Day: 20

Approval amongst Democrats polled by Gallup of President Biden’s dealing with of the coronavirus pandemic: 95%

Approval of Congress amongst Democrats and the Crimson-hatted Cult respectively, in keeping with Gallup: 61%, 8%

% of New Yorkers polled by Marist who consider Gov. Cuomo deserves to be reelected: 36%

Quantity of people that work in a Okay-12 college nationwide: 6.5 million

Variety of states wherein leisure marijuana is authorized, after New Jersey authorised it this week: 14

% of People in a relationship, in keeping with Harper’s Index, who maintain a few of their cash secret from their companion: 37%

Your Thursday Molly Ivins Second:

[T]hose who intentionally corrupt our language for political benefit deserve some particular ring in hell.  One is Rush Limbaugh, a foolish man.  One other is Newt Gingrich, who has performed a lot to poison the properly of public debate: “sick,” “twisted,” “pathetic,” “weird,” “traitor.”

Molly Ivins on CBS' The Early Show

However I believe way more damaging is the deliberate, corporately funded, interlocking net of propaganda—the suppose tanks underwritten by company funders, the “tutorial journals” underwritten by company funders, and right-wing newspapers, radio, and tv, to not point out low-life, bottom-feeding scandal-mongers, all funded by big right-wing cash.

Hillary Clinton as soon as known as this “an enormous right-wing conspiracy,” but it surely’s not.  It’s all proper there, out within the open; it has been rising earlier than our eyes for greater than thirty years for anybody to see.
—From Who Let the Canines In? (2004)

Pet Pic of the Day: Guess who has Walk-in privileges?

CHEERS to blowing this popsicle stand.  The information from our insignificant speck of mud on the universe’s butt can wait a second. Let’s fwoof 500 million miles over to Jupiter and gawk at its absurdly beautiful jet streams captured not too long ago by the Juno spacecraft. And in case you are not completely gobsmacked by this picture, could I remind you that Juno 1) Took the picture with a Polaroid OneStep 2) extracted the print and waved it round for 2 minutes till the picture appeared 3) addressed a 5×7 envelope to NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory 4) affixed 3,500 Endlessly stamps on it, and 5) trudged six miles by waist-deep snow to the closest mailbox. All simply to ship an unambiguous message that nerds rule and science-deniers drool:

Jupiter2021NASA.jpg
The purple spot is up yonder. Appears to be like just like the antibiotic ointment helps.

We actually ought to ship somebody from Earth to Jupiter. I like to recommend Ted Cruz.

CHEERS to Joe Biden’s signature accomplishment—at the moment a piece in progress. The way it works is, when Republicans are in workplace, they bulldoze a pair trillion {dollars} in tax cuts to wealthy individuals who don’t want them, however when Democrats are in workplace, they allocate a pair trillion {dollars} in aid packages to not-rich individuals who do want them. Fortunately the latter is occurring this week because the Democrats’ coronavirus aid package deal continues winding its means by Congress. By the point we publish C&J tomorrow night time, the House will likely have passed its bill, which Rep. Adam Schiff summarizes thus and so:

x

Republicans will demand a scaled-back model that finally ends up offering People with a free masks, a shovelful of coal, and a $5 coupon to Dairy Queen. Hmm. Choices, selections.

P.S. In the meantime…

x

However on the opposite aspect, Mitch McConnell completely has the backing of the MyPillow man and Pat Boone’s walk-in bathtubs. Shut name. Time to go to some heartland diners to ask Republicans to interrupt the tie.

JEERS to boys and their damaging toys.  118 years in the past this week, in 1903, the inventor of the rapid-fire Gatling gun, Richard Gatling, died.  His final phrases: “Of course it isn’t loaded. I took the NRA security course. There’s no means I’d be sitting right here cleansing my Gatling gun if it was lo…”  Ideas and prayers.

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

JEERS to attending to the underside of issues. Let’s test in and see how the investigation into the place accountability for the sluggish response to the January 6th Republican revolt on the Capitol is going:

Capitol police: It was the FBI’s job.

FBI: It was the Secret Service’s job.

Secret Service: It was Homeland Safety’s job.

Homeland Safety: It was the Pentagon’s job.

Pentagon: It was the Capitol Police’s job.

Nice. Glad we cleared that up.

CHEERS to being a fly on the wall.  One can solely think about what actually occurred on February 25, 1793, when George Washington held his first cupboard assembly at his property at Mount Vernon. However one factor is definite: Hamilton was satisfied that Jefferson‘s mom wore fight boots, and Jefferson was optimistic that Hamilton can be greatest served by irrigating his nostril with a rubber hose.  I consider the president despatched them each to mattress with out supper.

Ten years in the past in C&J: February 25, 2011

CHEERS to liftoff!  I admit it—I obtained just a little misty-eyed when the Space Shuttle Discovery took off yesterday.  Not simply because it is the thirty ninth and closing mission, however as a result of it is such an superior factor to look at, even in any case these years.  I imply, holy frackinolli, one minute you are sitting on a launch pad and ten minutes later you are flipping by the most recent challenge of Higher Cargo Bays and House Stations in zero gravity.  The crew will spend eleven days unloading provides and re-re-re-re-re-fixing the bathroom.  (Anybody tried jiggling the deal with but?)  Then they’re going to unpack the brand new Robonaut-2, which can carry out a wide range of helpful duties till it short-circuits, goes berserk, and vaporizes Norway—and, boy, we’re preemptively very sorry for the mess.  However for now the robotic’s Job #1 is a spherical of dry martinis—and don’t squash the olives.

And only one extra…

CHEERS to Deep Ideas…by Jack Handey.  Like Stephen Wright, he can cram extra stunning, weird absurdity right into a sentence or two than most individuals can in a thousand.  His books, which I’ve dog-eared to demise, have a spot of honor on my bookshelf.  With out additional ado, listed below are a number of of our favourite Deep Ideas to rejoice his 72nd birthday:

» Earlier than you criticize somebody, it is best to stroll a mile of their footwear. That means while you criticize them, you’re a mile away from them and you’ve got their footwear.

» For mad scientists who maintain brains in jars, here is a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to every jar, for freshness.

» I hope if canine ever take over the world, they usually selected a king, they do not simply go by measurement, as a result of I guess there are some Chihuahuas with some good concepts.

deep-thoughts.png
Comfortable birthday.

» If a child asks the place rain comes from, I believe a cute factor to inform him is “God is crying.”  And if he asks why God is crying, one other cute factor to inform him is “In all probability due to one thing you probably did.”

» I hope some animal by no means bores a gap in my head and lays its eggs in my mind, as a result of later you may suppose you are having a good suggestion but it surely’s simply eggs hatching.

» Dad all the time thought laughter was the very best drugs, which I assume was why a number of of us died of tuberculosis.

» I hope they by no means discover out that lightning has lots of nutritional vitamins in it, as a result of do you cover from it or not.

» In case you’re in a boxing match, strive to not let the opposite man’s glove contact your lips, as a result of you do not know the place that glove has been.

Have a deep Thursday.  Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at the moment?

At present’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“As I’ve discovered on this position, there’s no query that Cheers and Jeers does and can proceed to play a significant position in America for years to return.”

Interior Secretary-nominee Rep. Deb Haaland

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